It's been tough. Sometimes , i just don't understand myself. I can't seemed to share openly with my cell group members. It's difficult sometimes. It wasnt that difficult in the past with my other cell group members. I'm not sure myself too. This cell group is quite different from the past. Whenever I see them , I will start building walls around myself , thick and high walls which they can't penetrate. Have I subconsciously isolated myself from everyone I know or am I just so fortunate and comfy with the way I am now that I no longer can feel for others? Or worst , I no longer have any love left for any others , too exhausted and sick of caring for others, I supposed?

I love being by myself. Sometimes, I hate it when people want to travel with me to anywhere. Bus journeys or walks are luxury to me which I don't like anyone to disturb. These are time purely for my own meditation. I hate it when talkative people keep on talking to me on the bus rides, esp people whom I don't know well.

Things have been super blissful for me recently. All the things I had prayed for , I had gotten them. James had suggested that this is the time to get myself real armoured now before the "devil" attacks me. Sometimes, I find myself thinking...Am I happy now because I have learn to accept or am I just so immuned now that I can no longer feel sadness? or worst , Calmness before the Storm? I truely have no answer to all these.

Kareen's Aunt passed away recently. We were supposed to go to her wake today but it turned out that the wake was already over. Kareen seemed super upset with her Aunt's death. Not that they were very close but because nobody seemed to care about her Aunt's Death because her aunt is a christian. All her family members did not really talk much about her Aunt's death which is really upsetting. But I am absolutely sure that herAunt is already in heaven now. Hope Kareen will stay strong in Faith ....