The struggle between have to and want to…

It has been a long time since people sincerely, AND I mean sincerely asked me whether I want to do something. Often, when people asked me (I’m not sure myself whether it was asked or instruct in the first place), it came with an unspoken atmosphere of …

“Well, you don’t have a choice. You have to do it.”

I guess I have given in to people’s requests to many times and people have started taking me for “Miss Nice” who is ever to submit to everyone. In addition, when Qing creased to attend “talks” and “function”, everyone starts to wonder why Qing becomes so inactive.

The answer is obvious. Qing has grown up.

All these while, Qing was not really happy when she was told to do some of the tasks, and she does not know the reason why. Until she was told to be REAL. Yes. To do what she wants to do and not what she have to do or what people wants her to do. She finally understands that pleasing people does not equate to pleasing God.

Qing has decided to learn to be selfish. It is too difficult to care for people. No more putting people first instead of my interest. No more being there for people when they do not even care about you. It is no point having a one-sided friendship. Qing shall move on with her life like all her friends do.

Qing shall be strong now….


(Please do not try to ask me whether I am ok. I am never so sure for myself that I exist for myself now, and not for others.)