Acting poor do helps sometimes. My mum had voluntarily agreed to pay for my cable bill this morning, not forgetting the lump sum of money she had already given me for my New Year shopping. Life has been good. Even my sister is taking pity on a poor girl like me who can afford her time to do part time. She had agreed to give me a small sum of money to subsidise for my New Year clothing. Well, I hope my dad will give me some tokens too. He has been giving me for years. He dotes on me the most and I love him too. Well, it seems like I can do more with the extra cash. However, alas, this year is going to be a “hole in a pocket” year. Most of my friends are turning 21, which mean that more money needs to be spend on presents. I just went for Xinyi’s party, will be going to leehua’s one in a few hours time and I just got another birthday bomb on MSN yesterday from Lacretia on 12 Feb. I anticipate for more to come. I guess I need to find a tuition job soon; otherwise, I will really have to eat bread everyday.

I like Joy’s nick on MSN yesterday. It goes like that

I asked God to give me happiness. He said “No. I give you blessing. Happiness is up to you.”

It really makes some sense to me. God can only give you blessing. Whether or not you will be satisfied and happy is really up to you to decide. No matter how blessed you are, if you find no joy in doing what you like or even your life now, you will always be living in a tunnel of darkness.

I used to think that giving is a joy, but now I realised constant giving will simply just tire you out.

“Well, but you are a Christian, I thought the bible said that giving is better than receiving.”

Well, the bible does say that and I do not deny that. However, I am not perfect and I have no wish to be perfect. Anyway, throughout my life, I have never seen any perfect Christians, not even one. Instead, I see loads of people with God on their mouth. All words and no action. It simply just pissed me off sometimes. It is scary when you know someone better and you realised that he/she is really a pain in the ass. It takes time to judge a person. It is really a great relief when your heart turns cold. Real cold. You are no longer bothered by how people perceive you or how your friends are treating you. I guess I am happier now. Just like how Joanne feels when she took on a new identity- as a nonchalant freaking woman. (I wanted to say bitch but I was afraid she would strangle me to death in school. Yes, Joanne. I still love you as my friend. Anyway, I am a bitch too. Haha)

It has been a long 2005. I guess I learnt more each day. I learnt to be
- Independent – no longer feeling the need to be in a circle of friends. I can shopping on my own now.
- Non- nostalgic – No longer placing my old friends on the priority list because I see no need to. Life has to go on. We should move on with our life. I see no point in being there for people when you know you will always be second choice in their lives.
- Retired as a full-fledged “counsellor” for ALL people, only for selected few. I hate being made used of and being thrown aside after their problems have been solved.
- Study and play at the same time- Yes. To handle both at the same time is a great chore. I hope I will do better in the brand new year. To score well and play hard.
- Being a responsible member in the family.
- Taking unconstructive criticism with a pinch of salt. No longer affected by what others think of me. I am not perfect nor are they. No point lamenting on small matters.
- To say no when I have to.


Finally, 2005 is gone. I feel like brand new. I love the way my life is now. Short and sweet. Thanks to all the people who had stand by me when I was down, especially Joanne. You really taught me how to live life another way although you may not know it. Hope it will be a great clubbing year for you. Thanks too for the people who have used me time and again. You all have really moulded a brand new independent Qing. Sad to say, Qing’s helpline will be engaged as off 1st January 2006. For better or for worst, I shall be a brand new Qing.