Sorry for disappointing...

It has been one of my struggles for sometimes and I really don't know what to do about it. I gave myself chances but I really can't. I did try very hard until I was angry at everyone and myself.

Sorry that I have chosen the easy and harsh way out.

Thanks Natasha for being so direct with me. Maybe you were right in saying it wasn't there in the first place. I hate hurting people , especially people whom I care a lot for.

I hate pretending and lying about the state I am in now. I can do what I am told and be just like everyone of you , no one will see a difference anyway. But do you really want me to be phony and lie to all of you of how I am feeling now? I stated my stand and I thanked all of you for respecting my decision.

"So we won't see you anymore?" - it pierces through my heart.

I understand you all do care for me and I do love each and everyone. I do treasure everyone of you dearly in my heart and you will still see me around but not in the setting.

I hope I can experience it....the feelings which you all feel ....But I guess it won't be in the near future.....:(