I am worried for not worrying about my tests. I seem to take things lightly this semester.

My anxiety and sadness are buried deep down in my heart- so deep that I can no longer feel it.

Have I subconsciously hypnotised myself?

Sometimes, the tinge of “feel” just slipped into my mind unknowingly and a surge of pain just burned inside my heart. My eyes are just tired of my tears and I am tired of putting on a happy face, which I am too accustomed to. Will I be able to handle if all the hidden pain and sadness are all unleashed at the same time? Will I be able to bear everything?

I am scare of the future. I am no longer sure of what I want. I feel like I am no longer control of my life.

Is this really all it is to life?

It hurts when you know there are certain things, which may never be able to get – certain things which are so dear to your heart. It hurts even more when people try to put you down from trying, even though they did it unknowingly.

I need to seek out the motivation, which I once had. The motivation, which was utterly defeated by my fear and nonchalant. Will I ever to find it again?

Please do not ask me whether I am fine. The answer is obvious. I do not need any encouragement because they will not make me feel better.

I need to stand strong and to face up my challenges ahead bravely…