I have been quite upset these two days.

Some of you may know the reason why.

I am no longer in control over some areas of my life, which I have placed utmost importance.

It is difficult to put on a cheery face or even to encourage people in areas, which I have failed. I just feel so hypocritical but I know just how they feel and I do not want to drag them down with the addition of my misery. I need to be the strong one to motivate them. I feel like I am just an empty shell now, being pushed to response to certain circumstances accordingly.

Recently, I dread being alone because I know I am on the brink of breaking down. I just cannot seem to control my tears. Even my mum was quite shocked when she sees me crying in the room. The strength in me is no longer in existence and I am tired.

This is a tough race for me to face. The worst ever. I was quite tempted to turn to vices yesterday. It was a tough struggle. But I managed to withstand it.

I know I need to snap out of it fast. I do not want to admit to defeat but deep down, I know I cannot.

I need to find the sparks and joy which I have years back.

Thanks friends, for being there and for the encouraged smses.