I'm depressed.

Sinking into depression? Or am I a nutcase right at the beginning?

I woke up feeling very down today - thrown to the pit bottom of my emotions.

I am still feeling angry for the 40 minutes delay at collecting the history paper yesterday. I have a bloody bad feeling that I wrote out of point and it truly doesn't help when I did not do well for my midterm essay. Who say that you will achieve what you want if you put in the effort?

Will I even get a C? Maybe not. It could be a BIG D. Will I ever cope with the fact if it really turns out to be a D? A brand new experience. BAD experience.

It doesn't make things better with my sore red right eye. Was it a rebellion within myself? I haven't cried for a while and I hate crying. Was it a warning for me not to suppress how I feel anymore? I want to cry out loud, but the tears just won't come out. Or have I been crying in my dreams?

I hate myself this semester - for being inhuman to lots of people around me and not feeling guilty about it. I hate myself for concealing my true feelings this semester. I hate myself for having the heck care attitude. I hate myself for doing the minimal for everything.

I hate university life. I made a few friends but lose a dozen of them. Friends whom I thought will be friends for life just let me down time and again. I hate making friends now. I want to isolate myself. I have bulit walls around me - impenetrable. What you see now is really a shell or even a creature without any emotions waiting to hurt anyone who comes near her, so leave me alone.

Let me just dwell in my misery. You will never understand how I feel because I do not know myself too. ..