i hate being sick

Damn , here i m blogging again. I hate being sick. Every second now, i am sneezing. Such a red nose i have now. ARggg!!!! Damn...Muz haf caught a chill today when i was sitting bus 151 on my way back with open window when it was raining. Now, my flu had gotten worst when i thought it had gone away in the morning. Felt a bit giddy in the morning though. Now it comes with a surprise. Sore throat. I just hate being sick. Always feel very lonely and depressed whenever i am sick. Damn Flu! Pls dont ask me to take any rest. There are a thousand and 1 things which i haven do. I hope the flu just kill me, so that i wont have to worry do much. :(

Prisonment?

Read a few blogs of my friends today...Realised everyone around me have been living like shit juz like me this few months. When can we ever be happy? I guess life for me have really been bored with studying this few weeks...but sometimes when i feel like i m study hard , i still feel that i am hardly studying. Life have been shaky since i entered University. Never in my life had i been so unsure, yet i still have to put on a big smile to everyone who walked past me. Sometimes , i just feel like giving up. Today , i messaged a friend whom i had not seen for quite a long time since she had not been going for tutorials. She said she couldnt stand it anymore and felt like giving up. That was real devastating. I wasnt sure how to comfort her though and i guess what she needs is not comfort alone.
As we grow older , i guess we are more independent. The more it is the way we are, the more we care less about ppl's feelings. We cant be really be bothered to care what other people feel since we are already bottled up with our own problems. Once i felt real devastated when i told my friend my problem , and guess what she said when i told her my story? "sorry i need to sleep now. Gtg " that really broke my heart. I guess these few weeks , i had grown to be independent of my nus friends whom i thought i could depend on. No longer talk to them or contact them anymore. Sometimes , i really admired myself for my independence , or maybe our friendship wasnt strong enough in the lst place for me to feel sad.
Realised a good way of telling people our problems which is to write emails. Had been writing emails to one particular friend, my uncle agony. Thank god , i have him to help me think of solution to my problems.
Not sure what my purpose in life is now. I guess no one knows either. I mean what the heck would i care. We are all engrossed in our own things in our own world. No one bothers to care about anyone. Everyone just want to be cared for. What the heck is this world becoming to? i just dont understand and i dont care a damn. i will just be an artificial me, living in a matrix. when i escaped from it, let me face the reality.


( Hey june, sorry for not being there for you when u had encountered problems. Can wrote email or call me if you still feel bothered by your things. Friends forever)

jus another day

my 2 little noti Tuitees....



Finally finished submitting my philo blog...heee... blog 3 entries at a go...woohooo... went for my clinic today for my essay ..Gosh i mean.. he was not my tutor but my friend's ..but my friend said he wun know that i was not from his class..And guess what ... the exact opposite happened. He even took out his name list to check...haha..but he ws a nice guy. commented on my essay although i was not from his class....Went for my stats tutorial today..was fruitful i guess....Later i went to the tuition centre to study...so tired after i few pages.,..and i slept on the sofa... haha.. of coz i closed all the lights so that people will not peeped at me...As usual , razi and jason were noisy...i guess primary sch kids are under a lot of stress today... always got no time to do sch work and had to do during tuition. In the end , i got them to do some algebra and let them do their homework...Yawns... i m so tired now.. i guess i caught a flu....

Princesses united 

Mr hunky ? 

3 little pigs n 1 sleeping beauty 

Mice's Camp

These few days were quite enriching for me....Went for Mice's camp...it was real fulfiling i supposed. Realised that i am quite fortunate to be the way i am now...Enjoyed myself and learnt new things everyday in the camp...Glad to be given the chance...God bless

Day 1
My dad drove me n huiyi to the aloha Resort...When i lst reached , Audrey, Shena and Garbriel were already there. Settled ourselves and waited for the BBQ to start for the volunteers. While waiting , we did egg marchels for the programme next days. It was quite a brainless job but we had fun bitching while we do. Got to know Shena better...She is a very nice girl. The food at BBQ was not really up to expectation. All the food tasted weird. After BBQ , we did some planning and improvised some programmes for the next day. I guess we wasted a lot of time by crapping away. Did a few dances ...haha...Ate lots n lots of junk food...Wanted to do my philo essay ...but i fell asleep doing that without bathing...haha..

Day 2
Everyone woke up feeling excited. Trainees coming today. Found out that we had a lot of things undone. When the trainees had settled down , we started the sing-a-long session. huiyi and audrey led the session. Me , shena and Garbriel took charge of the games. The songs we prepared wasnt enough, and huiyi and audrey had to dig more songs on spot. IT RAINED . and our game session was a failure. we did planned programmes for wet weather but our egg marchel wasnt dry yet ...Played 2 games before it rained heavily. Xinyi and Yaodong came and helped out....Thx MAn!!!! Really appreciate it. The games ended under the pavilion where we had no choice but to play "shi Zi lu kuo". We were really unprepared. Went back and wanted to carry out the dessert making session but the chocolate was weird and we had no choice but to do the egg marchel. Thank God , There were less people than expected and the dried eggs were sufficient. Huiyi led the session while me and shena messed around with the chocolate. haha... The 2 other volunteers , Shaohong and Austin messed around with us. In the end , the product looked like a plate of bananas and strawberry soaked in Shit....hahahah... but it was real tasty...Diner came ... and treasure hunt was next. It was quite easy and we finished quite early...We played sparkles later...whahaha...Went back later and the trainees went to slp while we take a rest too....me n Garbriel realised we were always slacking in the room ...juz joking .. as in we were alwae alone in the room ( pls dun be mistaken ..he got gf...but juz tat we can click coz he is as crappy as me)...hahaha.., he was damn crazy and kept pretending he was a gay...faintzzz....i guess i crapped too much that day...was real tired... went to Cheers at nite and bought tomyam noodle to eat...Yummy...it was fun eating with Shena they all...We went to see stars later...but it was so cloudy that we cant see any...but we met someone interesting....an old man called Mr tan...he taught us a lot of things... about fishing , about philosophy of life . But the most interesting i found was that prawns are bisexual...hahha....we talked till 2 plus that day under the dark sky...it was so relaxing ......Went back and slept immediately after i bathe...i didnt tell them where i was sleeping and they spent the whole nite looking for me ... haha.. i ws hiding in a corner sleeping coz our room was occupied by the trainees.

Day 3
Woke up quite early next morning and realised Audrey din sleep the whole nite...heee... i guess i slept too much. Saw Shaohong and the lst thing he did was to make fun of me....he is so crappy and still dare said i dun behave like a uni student but like a sec 4 student...ARggg!!! went to the beach myself later coz it was still early and my friends were still sleeping...It was quite peaceful at the beach in the morning....heeee....sat for a while and left coz i need to be back for the next programme. Morning exercise was fun...after that we had games ..and swimming for the trainees....the trainees looked very happy at the pool ...for us , we din get down except Audrey and Garbriel ....juz sat there...and watched...as usual... me and Shao hong were bickering...so tired...haha..but he is a nice guy...bought skittles for us..yummy....Funny guy too..good to bully...hahha..Went back for lunch and had to pack up....it was real tired...as usual ...me and Garbriel found ourselves in the room chatting once again ..hahahhaha..managed to see Garbriel Gf pic...wooohooo..quite pretty...haha...Everyone seemed very tired that day...haha...left the chalet at 2 plus and went tm with huiyi to shop....heee...it was real fun...gave ourselves a treat at coffee bean...haha...now at home...need rush essay now...god bless

beautiful last day 

singing still... 

singing  

the road to secret garden 

sparkles.... 

moon on the 2nd nite 

light sticks !!!!! 

nice eggies by trainees 

a treat after camp 

A door locked and never to be opened?

How can we ever predict a person's heart? A flutter of a moment, a failure to skip. Inexplicable, unimaginable. Analyze all you want, you can never fathom the heart, for the mind never thinks like it.The heart is like a door; many people are always hammering at it, demanding to be let in. But no, you can only let one in at a time. So you choose, you deliberate. You think, you feel. Finally you let someone through. And when the door closes behind the person, you discovered, of all horrors, it to be locked.There is only room for one. You should never have opened that door. And now she's in, and she wants out. But the door is already locked.And you think, what different is this person from another? You could have chosen anyone to come in. You could have picked another.

Is there a special something that triggers you? Still, there is no difference. You couldnt let that person out. Someone threw the key away.Validating. Once you validate your feelings, you can never stop it. That was the key to the heart. From the time you told anyone your feelings, your heart is intruded already.

When that person steps so firmly into it, exquisite pain, so sweet and piercing, flourished.
Your heartache, cant be stopped, because you dont know how.

ADAPTED FROM CLEMENT :p

my Dream Date 

woohooo...

Went to sch for GEk today...as usual.. real bored...i guess yicong really hates ticko..trying to be sarcastic with everything he said...but it was quite funny. Took A1 bus back to Arts for my social work tutorial ... it was a dumb bumpy ride ...juz like roller coaster..not sure why . but nowadays NUS feedle bus seemed to be so jumpy and the driver seemed so unprofessional. Social work was bored too. Had to talk about various schemes by MCYS ...who cares about them anyway...but i had to pretend to be interested...asked some dumb questions about marriage ..struggle through the whole tutorial to stop myself from falling asleep. Went outside LT12 to study later..saw YAodong twice there...whahahahahah...still can imagine the way he dance. Saw a few others like MArk , Dorcas etc...Finally saw shaun ...for the whole sem , that was the lst time i see him ....woohoo..he is still so charming...Gosh!!!! he looks juz like superman with his build ...heee by the way ... he is attached :( . that is so sad....juz joking ...he is juz another close buddy of mine. Met ruth later and before i finally went for my stats...at 6 to 8 ....haha.. saw my last sem classmate...dinoe she took stats too...whahahaha....blur i guess ....finally my day ended...with me sitting in front of my laptop to type my entry....

genghi (half time) 

gengki venture

went to eat with xinyi todae again..been eating and eating with her this few days..not sure why..i guess we are both too stressed. Yaodong went with us today. He was so kelian . had to eat what we left behind almost half food on the plates were eaten by him.. he looked as if he was going to vomit anytime. he was super funny. Did a funny dance that i nearly died laughing. till now , i still felt like laughing. Found out that he was a major turn off to women in bedroom...heeee becoz of what he said he will do if a naked woman advance towards him naked and touched him... whahahhaa.. He gave a funny answer...All i can said is ..he is real real real funny...took back my stats test today.. not bad .. a bit above average...cool...at least now back to normal..i guess i still need work hard for my stats to get at least a b+ or else...haha..there goes my caps...Not sure why ..but night seems so long nowadays...feel so tired everyday...hahaa.. saw my gek friend in the library today again...will be seeing him tomorrow again...now i feel like sleeping again...heeeheeee

food again 

food at ikea ( Princess's cake 

way back from ikea 

living in my own world

Sometimes i wonder whether i m living in a matrix of my own when i m alone... i can imagine the impossible , and sometimes i prefer it that way.. juz living in my own world...world of fantasy .... all weird thoughts occur when i am daydreaming... well i have to admit i m pro at that... Sometimes i just wonder ...what will it be like if you like someone and suddenly you realise he likes someone else? would it be better not knowing at all? or would it be better if he was a gay? well , i guess for me.. i would rather he is a gay. What if .. just what if... you haf the opportunity and you let it slip away...a lot of thoughts came to my mind today...Xinyi ...sorrie for all my craziness on the bus...juz my way of sorting out my thoughts...but i guess you are right... if something is impossible , there is no point hankering over it...maybe i should learn to slowly let go...

PDf for stats

Damn.. i muz admit that the stupid Prof chua fook kee reallli has a way of intimidating you... juz look through my email and guess what...he posted the stats test's statistic...trying to scare us i guess...even set tutorial question on the test statistic...in case you dont know..Chua fook kee is a well known lecturer who is well versed in cognition...which means how a human mind learn...he is so freaky during tutorial ...arrrggg!!! always dread goin to his class... but i haf no choice...he is so.......i hope i do well in my test tml...if not ... i m goin to die....this is so freaky...not sure why he post the statistics even before we get our marks... this is freaking me out.....i hate him....

bored

blogging outside Lt11 now...was at arts library ..then went to grinning gecko and now finally rooted here....i m so bored...saw bobby in the library juz now... discuss philo with him and realised that there were so much i dinnoe.. Arrggg!!! was supposed to read more than what was required to score well although the question states that the reading was sufficent....damn...din get to see him today...made my dae worst...arrrggg!!!! got scolded by my mum in the morning for not calling home to tell her i not eating diner at home... felt guilty though coZ i noe i did it purposely yesterdae...becoz the day before she cooked some dishes which tasted weird and only me n my dad felt did... not sure why i was so pissed..maybe PMS and i poured all my rice into the bin infront of her... and there she goes ..nagged n nagged n nagged about how fortunate i was when children at the other side of the world did not have anything to eat...the more she nagged the angrier i got... locked myself in the room the whole evening... i hate ppl who nag at me... asking me to do things i dont like...esp when i have a lousy day in sch... although i know she nagged for my own good..but sometimes enough is enough... dont need to keep repeating whatever the point is in thousand of different ways... that what my mum is capable of ...arrrggg!!! so tired and frustrated to think of anything now... not goin home for diner again...coz my mum sae she wun cook for me unless i call home to tell her i coming home to eat...blab...who cares....let the cold war begun for i know i will win in the end.....:(

philo Dae?

Finally went for my Gek lect today...heee... seem like a long time since i attended lect for Gek ... haha.. Peiyun realised a pattern which i had...wahahha.. that i alwae never go for GEK lect on thurs...oops.. but i tin that is juz a conincidence...heee.. Always feel tired on thurs.....Went to the library to do my philo essay ...saw my GEk friend... not sure what his name though i knew he took philo with me...found out that he was a vegetarian...heeee...interesting... quite a nice guy...friendly ...but my friend said he looked pale though...probably becoz he is a vegetarian? not sure why...Saw clement today too... got his help in philo...but he is really chim....but i guess he shld be since he is a philo major and in the DEAn list somemore... faintzzzzz....haha.....Went munchie monkey to with Chris to meet Xinyi..hahaa... Chris took me the wrong way ..as usual...2 blur princesses together= more mistakes...heeee....tired though...felt like slping now..going sch again tml...heee... to do essay...nites to all

purple rose... 

unpRedictable

Watched a show called the "twilight Zone" a few days ago....there were 2 stories in each episode....was not paying attention to the first story ...forget what i was doing...but the second story was quite interesting... the ending was quite a surprise to me....

It begun with a scene 0f a woman being knocked down by a car while taking her dog for a walk....
Then moments later , it showed the woman running back home and frantically opening her door...when she saw her fiance , she hugged him and told him how she was nearly knocked down by a car....
The next day , while she was on her way to work , she saw a weird looking bus which she had never seen before....though she felt strange , she did nothing about it and went to work....
However, the bus did not disappear from her life...for the next few days , it kept appearing ....what was strange was... the people on the bus looked as if they were dead people...all staring coldly at her...the bus driver gave her the oddest look she had ever seen....and told her they were waiting for her to board the bus....no one could see the bus but her....
The woman begun to suspect that she was killed that day by the car , but because her will to live was so strong , she was not taken away...but the bus was actually waiting for her to give up her life...if she were to board the bus...her life would be gone right away...Although she did told her fiance and her mum....they dismissed it quickly and thought that she was just nervous about her coming wedding....
A few days later, while she was taking her dog for a walk...she saw the bus again...her dog ran straight for the bus...and refused to come down when the woman insisted...the woman was so angry and demanded the bus driver to get out of her life...and leave her dog and her alone...she would never give up her life and board the bus ..... In the end....the bus driver could do nothing but left her ,with the dog on the bus..saying she will regret what she had done...
The next scene came as a surprise....it was the first scene but this time with the woman being knocked down and killed....the dog that was with her was barking with all its might...however all was too late...
The soul of the woman now realised the bus was the " bus of life " and not "bus of death" ...and she was given so much chances to be saved but she refused.....all was lost now....the show ended with her soul vanishing into thin air...

The end

fruitful day!!!

heee... went shopping today with radhika...was quite tiring ....walked from Ps to orchard and then to Fareast....hmmm... quite a fruitful trip i supposed...heee..bought a lot of things...hope my mum doesnt know about it...went to fareast again to see my Smurf soft toys...heee...still got a lot left...haha....later went home have diner...heeee...after resting a while...heee...ventured out again..this time to xinyi's hse....haha...supposedly to be studying...haha..but in the end..end up changing the setting of my blog...haha..add in a juke box...woohooo!!! but felt so guilty....hehe...wasted 2 days...slacking...whahahaha....will try study tml.....till then.....:P Zzzzzzzz

ROse makes me happy....

rose again



heee... went early to sch today..for my much feared stats test...however ...my fren surprised me by giving me a rose....to wish me good luck...so sweet... the test was managable ...haha... i guess i fell in love with having control with my life...love the feeling of not fearing of failing a test when the test is over... was so tired after the test... went home straight after to sleep...heee...slept till now...haha.. now u all know how tired i am...so bored after i woke up...arrrrggg!!!! nothing to do...all my friends seem so busy...arrrrrggg!!!! what to do....my sis going camp later..leave me alone...my laptop's battery dying soon....what else is there to do? pls dont ask me to study...heee...taking a break now....hahaha....life is so bored...gosh!!!!

rose 

my 2 best friends... 

Answers?

A lot of people have been searching for an answer to our purpose of living ....till now no one has ever found it... so what is our purpose in life? is it all predestined or it is in the control of our hand? which is the most important to you ? happiness ? Family ? health? or whatever u may think of ....Different people have a different agenda in their lives....but who have the right to say whether their purpose is right or wrong ? For me , i haven really found my purpose in life... perhaps i will one day... while i ponder, i realised that some of the questions which we asked can be answered without asking... For example ... why is XXX so lazy... well the answer is juz the opposite of why you r so hardworking... that is if you are hardworking...but do all questions really have an answer... ? well , i guess that is a difficult question itself... giving some thoughts too it will bring you the answer.. heee..haf fun pondering... nites...b4 i run out of batt

serenity 

happie dae!!!!

heee....guess what... im so happy today!!!! heee... got A- for my philo essay... woohoo... luck has changed for the better for me i supposed.... i hope it will be better ... hee... so excited.. as in happy that my effort reaped rewards... loo got quite decent grade too... a B for his essay... heee guess both of us are great philosophers? heeeee......beginning to understand some of my stats too... i guess this grade will spur me on.. for my stats test on fri... although i m freaking scared now.... jiayou ! jiayou ! jiayou!

chocolate and ruth's hand makes my dae!!!


another boring odd week monday... haizzz .. as usual... need to wait 6 hrs for my health psy tutorial.... realised there is a lot of things to be completed this week.... stats tutorial, sw essay , stats test , health psy tutorial ... so many things and so little time.. now i know why some adults wish that there are 48 hrs a day... now taking a rest in the library after editing my Sw essay.. so tired... had a consultation with chua fook kee juz now... hee... was "fun" ... need study my stats later... arrrrggg!!!! i need a break... i wish the holidaes are here ......

tired

juz finished my tutorial for health psy.. had a terrible headache now... read too much i supposed.. a lot of things to be done.. Gosh.. need to read for tml consultation with chua foo kee.. haizz... i hope i can understand the question he asked me tml... hmm.. something is wrong with my adaptor for my laptop.. need repair it again.. so mafan.. arrrrgggg!!! not sure why it is giving me so many problems.. when my life is already so down n tired... haizzz..long day tml ... have tutorial till 8 ... gaps of 6 hr in between... juz hate mon..not sure why i m so groughy these few days.. PMS i supposed.. or no more crapping on msn ... maybe the withdrawal symptoms are setting in.. felt like eating prata now.. Banana prata .. yummy!!!! i wish upon the star ... to see you smile...

another nic pic!!!