It has been a long time since i cried so badly. Real disappointed this time....
Thanks Yongqing for the phone call.. Really appreciate it....:(

Life is real fragile.


Her death makes me more aware of the fact. One moment she is there , smiling at you .. and the next moment , she is gone... Never had I once thought she will left so soon...It was much faster than I can take it. No one expected that..I guess not even herself. Throuhout all these years, i had been accustomed to her smile early in the morning and her greeting late at nite. But , I had never once really take a good look at her for I had never dream of her living us so soon. It's difficult for all of us, to adjust to her absent presence now. But I guess we all need to be strong for she wont want us to be sad also....


I hope she is in heaven now....

heee.. the best cake!!! 

the smiley cake 

VexED

Feel so drained these few days... Things which i had been hoping for have been coming true..

But It WASnt What I thought I will Feel..I am not feeling HAPPIER as i thought I would...

It's my fault. I do not really know what I want. What the HeCk! Now i understand why people said you can have the cake and eat it at the same time. Nothing is perfect. Even when you have your way...you will want something better.. you will keep wishing for better desires....

What the Fu*Ck! Just feel like scolding people now. Damn..Whoever treads on my toes today will surely get it From Me.

I 'm Not interested in your AffAir , Please Get off My back!!!

I had tremendous fun today...Went to celebrate Weixin, Clement and Bobby birthdays. Cool! Before meeting them , I went to Radhika's to bake cakes. Wow!!! I'm so proud of me and her. 3 cakes in one day. 1 for weixin , clem and bobby ... one for my family..( though they said it tasted like mee hoon kueh..sobzzz) and one for someone who is thickskinned enough to ask me for it ( identity kept secret to prevent rumours..) . It was quite funny though... coz nobody informed me about bob's birthday...haha.. while on the phone with him, i was talking about where to put the cake and how to surprise them. When we met , he asked me when is clement's birthday.. and there and then , i realised his birthday is before clem..It was super embarrassing....haha.. we went to the turkish resturant for diner.. but i guess it was not suitable for them... later , we bought out the cake.... i didnt touch the cake.. coz i was sick of them.. haha.. Bob took back the rest of the cake home..Went TCC for a drink later... Clem's treat.. wahahha... CooL...Service was lousy there.. they took a long time to take our orders and to deliver our drinks... But it as a great session though.. Got to know them better...Met Kimberly on the train back.. havent seen her for so long although she is in NUS... Cool!!! heee...I love meeting old friend.... It is such a wonderful nite!!!!

4 Cakies United 

Wild Berries.. cum Mango!! 

ManGo Cakie!!! 

Chocolate manGo!! 

the Sixth person u will meet is me!!


5 lessons learnt from heaven.....

1) " My funeral," the blue Man said. "Look at the mourners. Some did not even know me well, yet they came. Why? Did you ever wonder ? Why people gather when others die? Why people feel they should?

"It is because the human spirit knows, deep down, that lives intersect. That death doesnt juzt take someone, it misses someone else , and in small distance between taken and being missed , lives are changed.

"Strangers," the Blue Man said. "are just family you have yet to come to know."


2) Sometimes when you sacrifice something precious , you are not losing it. You're just passing it on to someone else."

3) "Learn this from me. Holding anger us a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do , we do to ourselves.

4) " Lost love is still love, Eddie. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it.

"Life has to end," she said. "Love doesn't."

Sometimes one has to learn to let go somehow.. no matter how difficult it is......

Pocky Fan!!!! 

It was a fabulous day today!!! One of my happiest moments since i enter university. The potluck party was superb. I simply love James's chilli crab. It was one of the best i had ever eaten. My mashed potato and spaggetti were nice too. 2 thumbs up from everyone. Well, i guess it has to be good because my whole family woke up in the morning and stamped their feet on the potatoes to crush it for it to become mashed potatoes.( haha.. that's a joke) Later . we went to survey james's music studio. It was really well- equipped with all the drums and guitars. Totally sound proof. We played a lot of games. Hmm.. we all took our childhood photos and everyone couldnt recognise me. And.. yong qing was dressed as a female during childhood..haha..James was nicknamed "dumbo Elephant" because of his big ET ears...wahhahaha...Tricia looks the same..Biyun looked prettier in the past..oops...The best game we played was the "minipede" game...haha.. Biyun was so agitated that she screamed right at James when they had the same card that James's big ears turned red instantly. It was a hilarous sight. I nearly died laughing. Later . we changed all our names to 3 chinese vowels...that was when things started getting difficult. Guess what my nick was..."ni hen Mei" ...For those who know how to play the game will know that everytime someone get the same card as me .. they will shout "ni hen mei" to me..hahaa...Biyun nearly killed me.. for the nick...Guess what.. me n biyun deepest secret are revealed today, about chiobu club...We told them how the chio bu club "torture" the guys by forcing them to say that we are pretty and how we all compete to be the president of the club..haha..and now there are 5 presidents and 1 member....hmmm.. I guess their impression of me changed today...ooops....we played a few other games....and we ended the day by eating again...Yummy!!!!!

Fantaztic race is around the corner...I hope i will be able to invite people .....otherwise Kaf fei's hard work will all go down the drain...

It is just great to be with old friend again. Met with june today.. still as cranky although i havent seen her for a long time. Walking down orchard road today was bored but interesting. We were both broke, as usual. I am beginning to dread holidays.. since our expenses are so high coupled with our low input. I wonder where i spend all my money.... haha.. tat's confidential... This wed still have to go "double O " , forced by rachel for a gathering with Shaun and gang. Rachel is so cunning.. haha.. said she will make the guys pay for our drinks....Still pending on whether i should go a not...Met Hweesim for "diner" later..She was late. In the end , me n june extorted her for coffee bean drinks.. 2 against 1 .. she is left with no choice..haha. After much catching up, we went to NTUc for some grocery shopping for my potluck party. Wow....was trying to prepare for the ingredients... in the end , i realised i over bought a lot of stuff.. arrrrgg!!! But i am so excited.. James is going to cook chili crab tomorrow..woohoo...!!!! I luv it!!

It's 2 plus in the morning... As usual...me and june cant get to sleep..with her trying to test out my tagboard. Life is so bored nowadays. Recently , i often have bad dreams about my results which will be release in 2 weeks time. I hate the way we check the results. When we key in the matriculation number, the dumb screen will pop up instantly and you will be caught breathless...that was what happened to me last sem. This semester , it is different. Stats and Gek are two horrible modules i took this sem. Tabao , Tabao and Tabao..I hate the thought of it. Worst of all, my caps will be pulled down greatly if i get a D...I love studying but sometimes it is really not how much you study..U need luck too...Whatever...I am always short of luck. Have been receiving a lot of invitations to go clubbing from my friends nowadays. It seems like everyone wants to be drown in sorrows...or do they think i am a drunkard...haha.. It's been a long time since i go clubbing..I still remember there was one period whereby everyone was so down and every now and then , we will go drinking..Of coz..hweesim always end up being drunk with me n june making fun of her in the morning. haha...We had a great fun then...Now.. we seldom do that coz we are always so broke and busy with our stuffs...So happy that i will be meeting up with them later.. not for drinking , of coz...I guess now .. the thing i am looking forward to is the Potluck party on Vesak day. I want to cook spagetti and mashed potato!!! Clement's bday is cuming..Me n Ziyi have decided to buy a book for him..since he is so intellectual..was thinking of baking a cake for him too..For the help and encouragement he had given me...wEll, let's see how when the times comes....

3 birthdays of my cell group members are coming out - James( the pangster) , yongqing ( the irritating fly) and eugene ( the army guy) . Why do most of the guys in my cell group have their birthday in May? I'm not sure too. Anyway , me , tricia and Jingting went to Tec Christian Bookshop in Bras basar complex to shop for presents for the 3 men. At first, we wanted to buy 3 books to give them but in the end , we walked out of the shop empty handed...Later we went to raffles City's Acts Christian bookshop...Guess what..we bought a pink t-shirt for Yongqing. We can imagine the "shocked" look he will give us when he see the beloved present from the CG. For James , we bought him a bible cover. For Eugene, we bought NOTHING because we took a long time to choose the other 2 that we didnt have time to buy anything for Eugene...Nvm.. we still got lots of time. His bday is still one week away. There are so many sales around because Great Singapore Sale is coming. Im so tempted...Arrrrggg!!!

Debts to be paid by Alvin ( this is to remind u , i dun care...)

- A treat
- A Church service
- A Dream
- A dog

The journey will be tough. I am starting to develop the feeling which i had years back. It is hard to form meaningful relationships with so many people at the same time. This time , it is a bit different. Everyone can't be bothered , even me too. No point, i guess. Deep down, I am uncertain of what i want also. Isnt this something which i have been praying for? That people will stop bothering me? But, it is a must that we have to form bonds, to build a strong relationships, even if it means putting on a false smile. It is so tedious , having to think of conversations to strike with those people when it is obvious that we really have different wavelengths. I just hate to have my personal time taken away just to build bonds with people whom I really have no interest in. More friends = Less time = More burdens. I just feel like being the way I am. But it is impossible. Why can't the walk be easier? What's the point of sharing when in the end more problems will be rebound back to you? More serious talk= More trouble. I hate it when people said they understand me because if i don't even know myself , how do people know me? Sometimes I hate myself too, for being so selfish , for not carrying out what i have promised myself to do. Whatever it is ... i really really pray that things will change...



Aside...Thanks ruth for the talk. I really appreciate it. Will keep u in prayer for your mission trip

Mr CyRUS!!!! Is he a Gay? 

speCially For Alvin!!! YOU BETTER USE IT AS YR MSN PIC! 

Had a real interesting talk with Diana about what we look for in our dream guy today..which reminds me of what a fellow sister in my church said during the retreat...she had always prayed to God for a "godly" man as a husband...hmm..A "godly" man.. Wow...it is something which i have not think of...i was quite surprised when the whole group of women who was in the room in me for a private gals session want someone who is more "godLy" than them to be their husband..to lead them in their path with God...seriously, i have never ever thought of having someone more "godly"...i mean i know he has to be a child of God too..but the more "godly" part...A bit....not sure how to explain..it just never occurs to me...Maybe i should start thinking about it now...what does it mean to have a more "godly" man as a husband...Anyone knows the answer?

Interesting PhRases Captured From the young Adult RetrEat in Nus

Man Manipulate Woman For SEx whilE WomaN ManIpulate Man Through Sex

Commercial "Products" are usually More wEll Packaged

It Was a long but Fun day today...Committed a sin today .. I woke up late for church..plus i have sore eyes...in the end..I didnt go at all...Was feeling better in the afternoon after 1 bottle of eye Moi. Later i was late when i went to meet Linda and wei ni to go and see the exhibition for YenFen's graduation. Her brand name for her project was "talking Bean". Well , in short , it was all about coffee. The display was quite plain but attractive though. We bought a nice bouquet of sunflowers and a bear as requested by her. hahaha...Well, most of the works there were quite artistic...couldnt really understand most of them though. Too implicit, i guess. But i guess it was a good experience..to meet the future designers of Singapore..Who knows they might make it big out of Singapore one day. Went for Mides camp gathering at chomp chomp after the exhibition..Woohoo..Everyone was late except Gab and Shena..But the latest was shaohong..late for around 2 hrs, i guess...The food there were nice..esp the fried hokkien mee and the Stingray uncle..Hee..Offered to give us free plates of rice. In the end , only Gab and Austin took up the offer. Later, we went for dessert at "bRown Box". The desserts we ordered were all very delicious. Thanks Shaohong , huiyi , Audrey and Gabriel for giving me and Shena such a wonderful watermelon "cake". It was delicious except that the watermelon on the side of our table was filled with Austin's saliva. Shhhhh.....Austin is a Professional "trasheater" tonight. He ate whatever was placed in front of him and helped clear most of the watermelon. Cheers to him!!! Quite shy though..Not like SXXXHXXX who likes to bicker with me...Oops...haha .. u noe who you are...someone who can suan me even when we are sitted so far apart in Chomp Chomp...It was fun crapping all night...haha.. the funny joke was.. when we were about the leave , we just gladly walked out until the waiter reminded us that we haven paid our bills..Opps....haha.. of course..As children of God, we paid all our bills in the end..Yeah!!Finally got the book, "5 person u will meet in Heaven" from Shaohong. Cant wait to read it...But i guess i have to finish my " Digital Fortress" first...Not only that , i guess i need to find a job too..Been slacking for 2 weeks ..Time to work to save some money for my 2 trips...Wish me luck..coz i m quite picky with jobs...haha..Will upload the pics soon when i get them from Huiyi...Thanks again..For all the surprises u all had given me..i really appreciate it...Love ya, guys...

FlowErs 

BEar With FlOwers 

BEaRy 

AustIN PoWEr 

Evolution of the perfect Man



Back to Alogrithm of charming a woman... NEarly forgotten about...


5) Guys must always bring tissues and umbrellas. These are a absolute must!!!!

Guys who bring tissue , specially, often melts the heart of a woman. Well, to be true, guys who bring tissues are deemed to be better and nicer guys than guys who dont. ( surveyed and asked a few buddy gals) . These guys are rare gems and seen to be more concerned about details of their lives. Guys who bring handkerchiefs and sneeze , wipe their nose and clean their sweats with it are major turn-off. A big No-NO. Umbrellas are good weapons too.. to captivate a woman's heart , esp if God is on your side and bless you with a heavy rain when you are with her. Sheltering her under the umbrella is one good reason to get close to her physically , but not TOUCHY. Guys who take the opportunity to take advantage of women will cost them more than anything they ask for, most probably a punch or a slap...heee

6) Guys must find out the birthdate of their dream gal. That's the basic neccessity.

Girls will always expect something special on their birthday. Something which will make them feel like a princess and your undying love for her. Best move is to either bake cookies or make something on your own. If you really dont have the time, well , the least you can do is to buy something which she has been asking for...Etc a Tiffany and Co necklace? haha...If u really really really cant at least one of the 2 things listed , well, at the best , give her a birthday hug...That is if she is a liberated person..if not a handshake would be fine...or even a simple sms...

To be continued...

Im a purple monkey!!!

You are Purple Monkey who is a straight forward, cheerful and honest person. You are not very emotional, but work hard and have been smart enough to do errands around home from early ages. You are clever with your hands too.You give an impression of being unpretentious, and you are rather short tempered who would carry out everything by yourself. You set your goal too high, and sometimes experience frustrations in trying to achieve it.You like to take care of people and are kind and generous person. You can not walk pass someone who is in trouble. You take great care of your family and those who are working under you, and your attitude may be seen as too muc interference.You will not be influenced by emotions, and you can make rational and modern decisions. Your career will not be affected.You tend to be rather cautious, and sometimes show unnecessary competitiveness. This may cause friction in your personal relationship.If you carry things actively on your own, you may suffer hardships. You should lay back and let the time resolve things. Your weakness lies in lack of planning. You can show perseverance, so you should forecast the future before putting into action.After getting married, you will carryout housework perfectly, and will be a good wife and a mother. You can make sound decisions.




If u guys are interested .. can go to http://noracom.net/eng/fortune/color_cheki1.php

It was a fulfiling day today! Went Bugis to window shop with Jennifer. I told myself not to spend any money before i walked out of the house today but i couldnt resist temptation. In the end , i bought a super cool belt with shiny sequins...Oh my! My heart melts when i saw it....haha.. It was something which i have wanted all along....After much thoughts , i decided to buy it. Next , we walked around Bugis. Hmmm.. Bought another notebook..I was thinking , since i already spent so much on the belt already ..might as well buy one more organiser...heee...Jennifer bought one too..But she bought the big one. A wonderful day..Later me and jennifer went to have a heart to heart talk...I love Heart- to - heart talk..MAkes one know more about a person...Overall , i really enjoyed myself today...Thanks Jennifer..I love u!!!!

CoOl Belt!! 

My belt cum organiser 

Finally finished reading my "deception point". An interesting book to read athough i had sort of predicted the ending. I'm so bored now. Everyone is looking for a job but I'm just too tired to look for one. Dont really feel like working now although my bank account seems pathetic now. Everyone is telling me they are expecting something to happen this holiday...Is it possible? Are we suppose to wait here for miracle to happen? If that the case, then something should happen to me already , since i am always doing my fav hobby....( hah.alvin, u should noe wat..Shhhh). Watever it is ..Thank god i'm going out wth Jennifer later...And Youth retreat is tomorrow...Horray!!! Finally something to do....I love it!!!

Smurf  

Smurfie plus friend 

A boring day today.. was supposed to bunk in at hweesim's house today with June for a girls nite out..But hweesim's sis is having an exam now...so the bunkover is cancelled. Stucked at home with nothing to do, except to read my book. Well, gona finish it soon..Interesting book though. Haha..i played a trick on my sister today again...while i was playing with the Oto leg massage machine , I put one of the electrode plaster on my sis, who is lying on the sofa..haha..u all should see the way her body cringe when the electricity passed from her leg to her body. It was so funny. I nearly died laughing. Her expression was so funny. I guess now i have to be careful in case she plays the same trick on me. heeee....A great day ahead....

I'm a good gal today, as usual. Turned down one of my appointment with friend and went to see a chinese doctor with my mum. Recently , she had been complaining of having back pain with no apparent reason, so she asked me to accompany her to the doctor today. It was so scary. The way the doctor twist and turn her body , with the sound of the friction of her bones. I dont even dare to look. The sound itself send chill down my spine...Thank God she felt better after the session.Later we went shopping. I regretted that. She kept hinting me to buy a skirt which she like for her. Like mother , like daughter. The power of coaxing. In the end , i have no choice but to promise her that i will bring her to buy once i found a job. There goes my $200. Faintzzzz....Later we had our lunch at "Lear Thai". The food was spicy. I like the Thai tea best. The rest was too spicy for me , probably i wasnt in the mood to eat spicy food today. It is rainning now. The best weather to sleep in...heee.....most probably i will take a nap later before i go for my tuition later....

Sunburnt! Stood in the sun for a few hours today. Totally drained...Singaporeans are quite generous though. It was quite worth the effort for the children in Yun nan...Hee .. was supposed to meet Radhika today to learn guitar but fell asleep right after i reached home...It was a deep sleep. Din even hear my handphone ringing. Thanks Radhika for bringing a smurfie friend for my smurf. heee...My smurf is getting along well with him. In the evening , i went for tuition. As usual, the 2 little rascals are just as naughty...I gave them a test today and they were talking all along and i had to yell at them to stop them from talking. Of course , I have the magic gifts to keep their mouth zipped...CHOCOLATES..They simply love chocolates...haha...Thank God they didnt tell me about dreamland again..Tired of the story...Need to think of new story to tell them. Their exams are this week and that means i need to have intensive tuition with them..Today , tomorrow and wed...Haizz..How can they stand it? But their parents requested it and there is nothing i cant do...Maybe .. i will buy them something to eat tomorrow to encourage them...hee....Although they are real naughty at times, but they are a joy of my life...I love them!!!

Just consoled a friend from my Arts camp. majoring psychology as me. Well, she had just received an email which said that she will be deducted marks for not going for a research programme which she signed up for. In case , some of you all dont know, certain psychology modules requires us to participate in some research which the professors are testing on. In another words, we are the "white mice".Failure to turn up will cause marks to be deducted. Anyway, my friend did attended all her programmes and she is freaking sad plus mad that she was wrongly accused. Things do go wrong sometimes. Now then i realise , it's tough to major in psychology...Real hard...what more to say to score in the modules...Next semester will be real tiring for me , i guess...will be doing three three thousand modules...the level 300o health psy which i took this semester is real shitty..boring and absolutely no concepts...I hate this sem..i guess i am gona score real bad...arrrrgg!!!!! I must have faith..but sometimes...it is not enough....i just feel something missing in my spiritual walk....

Recently, i guess lives have been turvy topsy for some of my cell group members. Just received a Sms message from my cell group leader today that both her mum and dad had filed for bankruptcy. Actually, she had expected it long ago..But i guess it is still hard to accept. Most of my cell group members had been going through a lot these few weeks. Glad that they are still going strong. All these made me realised how lucky i am. To have a happy and stable family. Biyun gave me the "Songs of praise". Havent got to listen to the songs though..Probably doing that later..heee...Horray! Going for donation drive tomorrow..I hope tomorrow will be fun!!!

Songs of praise 2 

Songs of Praise 

I hate commitment. I just cant understand why people are always forcing me to do things which i already told them i dont want. It just pissed me off. Those people are real naggy...Told them time and again, i dont want to go..For whatever reason..I need a strong foothold first before i go for anything. It is difficult. I dont want history to repeat itself. But how should i tell them ? Will they ever understand? I need time...Just give me more time..Personal time. I hate being involved in activities which i cant be bothered with. I admit i dont have much zeal which i am suppose to have.. what's the use of being strong...when i am not even strong even in the first place...Someone whom i really respect once said that i was strong ..Deep down i am just as weak...When the foundation is weak, it will collapse easily..i had been through it...Please just let me have more time ...To build on my foundation...i want to take things slow this time ..To really understand each step which I am going through...Please dont force me to things which i am not prepared for anymore...Otherwise i will need to go on a hiding again....

Arrrrggg!!! Just realised that there are time table clashes...arrrrggg!!!! damn....

9th of may - Donation drive for yunnan Trip
10th of May - Meeting with hweesim
11th of May - Guitar plus tuition
12th Of may - Meeting jennifer
13th of May - Youth retreat
14th of may- Youth retreat , Mides donation drive , Bunking at hebe's hse...

There are still some preplanned events...but i guess i wont be going..Damn...

Finally borrowed the 2 books from my cousin...Written by Dan Brown. Read one of his books during holiday last semester - Da Vin Ci Code. Highly recommended. A triller , totally captivating which makes you want to keep on reading. Anyway , i have the book ..Any of you who is interested , can come borrow from me.

Today was a long day. It was fun celebrating my cousin's birthday. We went plaza Singapura to eat. It has been a long time since i have a chat with my cousin. Anyway. i guess Nus corked up again. My cousin hasn't receive any letter yet for interview. Arrrrggg!!! Some of his friends who had lousier grades than him had went for the interview for medicine. Life is so unfair. I guess he should be able to get in since his grades are real awesome. Anyway, he left early . After that, me and the rest of the cousins went sculling for a Mother's day present. It was real fun shopping with cousins...You all should do....By the way , we will be going to Jurong Bird park soon...Anyone who is interested can join!!!

Nice!!1 

Will be reading soon 

Reading now...Should be good!