突然好想做回我自己...: April 2006

I have been quite upset these two days.

Some of you may know the reason why.

I am no longer in control over some areas of my life, which I have placed utmost importance.

It is difficult to put on a cheery face or even to encourage people in areas, which I have failed. I just feel so hypocritical but I know just how they feel and I do not want to drag them down with the addition of my misery. I need to be the strong one to motivate them. I feel like I am just an empty shell now, being pushed to response to certain circumstances accordingly.

Recently, I dread being alone because I know I am on the brink of breaking down. I just cannot seem to control my tears. Even my mum was quite shocked when she sees me crying in the room. The strength in me is no longer in existence and I am tired.

This is a tough race for me to face. The worst ever. I was quite tempted to turn to vices yesterday. It was a tough struggle. But I managed to withstand it.

I know I need to snap out of it fast. I do not want to admit to defeat but deep down, I know I cannot.

I need to find the sparks and joy which I have years back.

Thanks friends, for being there and for the encouraged smses.

S C R E W E D for the semester !

And I deserve it!

I guess my optimism has reached its limit.

:(

1. My dream: To be myself
2. Maybe I should: learn to be more objective
3. I love: Freedom
4. I don't understand: why it is a complicated world
5. I lose: my happiness as I grow up
6. People say I'm: crazy/dreamer/schizophrenic
7. Love is: intimacy + sexuality
8. Somewhere, someone is: watching Naruto
9. I will always: cry alone in my bed
10. Forever is: non existent
11. I never want to: be you
12. I think the current US President: is #$@#%$%$
13. When I wake up in the morning: I open my eyes
14. My past is: confusing
15. I get annoyed when: people think that they understand me
16. Parties are for: people to get drunk and high
17. My dog is: non-existent
18. My cat is: imaginary
19. Kisses are the best when: you eat a smith. No smith, no kiss
20. Tomorrow: I want to wake up with a big smile.
21. I really want: to be a psychologist
22. I have low tolerance for people who: are selfish

*grin* - a cool studying day!

studying hard? Nah .. hardly studying.. Pretending to study for me to take the pic.. heee

Duh.. took the pics when we felt so bored! Don't we look like we are studying hard???

A pic of my sister fixing a jigsaw birthday card for me :P

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Quality Time
with a secondary love language being
Physical Touch.

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		9
Physical Touch:		8
Words of Affirmation:		6
Acts of Service:		4
Receiving Gifts:		3

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

3 down , 2 more to go!

Nice paper today.

I just received an email regarding my internship, starting the week right after my exam. That means I have no time to relax. Then again , I haven't been totally drained out this semester. That is the reason why you don't see me much in the library during exam period as compared to last semester. :P I finally understand that sometimes it is not a matter of quantity but quality which really matters. Perhaps I am already sick of the rat race. I'm tired of competing. Period.

I was reading through one of my friend's blog just now. She was commenting that the lack of self disclosure is a form of independence, learning to manage life on our own. Perhaps it is true.

To me personally, individual differences result in the various levels of self disclosure. Lack of self disclosure does not mean that you are hiding some deep secrets in your life. It may just means that there is just nothing to share or that I do not think that you understand me enough for me to share how I feel about certain values. It sounds contradicting because it is only through sharing that you learn more about that person. I hate it when people pass judgment on you just because of what you say or do. Even when you tried to explain that it is not the case, people still insist that it is. If that is the case, just imagine any story which fit into your entrenched stereotype instead of asking me. I am not interested in making people understand me nor do I want people to enforce their values on me, telling me what is right or what is wrong.

At the end of the day , it is me who will bear the consequence, so why bother poking into my matter?

Just take care of your screwed up life which is concealed perfectly right within you.

Thanks.

***Grin***

Gek 1532 in less than 24 hrs time.

Was browsing through past year exam papers. Nearly fainted. Luckily , Euwen is taking the same module as me. Otherwise , I think I will die from panicking. He had done a great job of simplifying things to me. After I ended my conversation with him, I felt a boost of confidence. Color and vision is not as difficult as I thought it would be. As easy as ABC.

Yipeee!! Hope I will walk out of the hall happily again!

Been in the slack mode these few days. I did touch my books but I guess I wasn't that serious about them as I was in the past. Blab! I need the NERD'S spirit back, minus away the anxiety and worries.

Looking forward to my exam later... :P

Exams are ending in less than 2 weeks time. It shall be a time of party after that.

hahahahha... Yippeee..

Was browsing through some blogs just now and I came across one entry which bought a cynical smile to my face. I shan't discuss about the details of the entry. To me , the content of the entry itself is just an ironic. Adult hypocrisy, I guess. It is really amazing how one can confidently proclaim something but then act completely opposite of what one say.

Maybe I should say I no longer have faith for that person? Or should I say my impression of that person had changed as I got to know him/her better. Having a belief is easy but when it comes to upholding, I guess few people can do it. I hate people who think so highly of themselves and feels that certain people are more vulnerable to temptations as compared to them. It makes matter worse when the certain people refer to my friend. Damn .Biased attributions. Arrogance.

I'm just absolutely disgusted.